At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have post one night stand depression
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