New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
