It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
