Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
