i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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