i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
