Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
