he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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