I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
