I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm going to jail i love you
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
