On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
True strength comes from lack of pants
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
