i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
