Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
