Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
