I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
