I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
