My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize