Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
