Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Randomize
