arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
