Are we in a gay sports bar?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
