one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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