Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
