Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
