he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
