I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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