all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
