dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
