She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
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