Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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