i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
