It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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