I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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