tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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