You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
