Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
