He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
