There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
