she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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