All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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