I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
