how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
