Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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