I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
smell my finger.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
