I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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