his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
