drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize