dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
