Im at strip club and am horny
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
foreskin is a definite game changer
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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