we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
