I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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