Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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