I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
