you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
In America we eat man semen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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