Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
