here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
