I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
