it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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