id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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