i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
