oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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