She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he fucked my hip out of place.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
