Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
