people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
