please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
