you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
