Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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