if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
