You can't motorboat a personality
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
