Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
