the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
