theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We got so high we made milksteak
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
