remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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