he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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