I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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